


General Snooki

by Mika765



Category: No Fandom, Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Character Death, Crack Fic, Dick Biting, F/M, Gore, I am so so sorry., Joke Fic, Kylo Ren PoV, M/M, Mpreg, Pirate Sex, Vaginal tearing, Vampires, a gift, and is also just memes and intrusive thoughts, exploding testicles, gratuitous dick sucking, hook insertion, i dont even like starwars, i guess playing wit hdead bodies, im sorry, im truely sorry, no real smut, not actually serious, this got darkish, wow. this got worse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-07 02:29:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13424814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mika765/pseuds/Mika765
Summary: after joining the first order, Keif, Dielo Ren's new 'boyfriend' makes friends the only way he knows possible - bj's





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Evee6462](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evee6462/gifts).



> look. This is not serious. I'm mostly a Beta and i've been helping with a fic and we had a joke because of this video: http://kaiserneko.tumblr.com/post/23130580634/amon-this-sport-would-be-great-if-it-wasnt-for
> 
> Obviously not Beta read

Dielo Ren finished a angery meeting with Supreme leader Snooki early and so he went to look for his boyfrind, Keif. Keif was tal, force sensitive, and angry like Dielo and so they fought a lot bu tthey loved each other. They were each others star light in the vast darkness that was space - and depression. Dielo was worried that Keif was not going to get along with the other members of the First order and the knights of Ren but since Keif started to travel with him, Keif seemed to hav elots of friends and everyone appeared to be in a happier mood.

He went back to his and Keif's shared room to find it surprisingly empty. Keif had told him that he worked out while Dielo was being scolded by Snooki and Dielo saw no reason to not trust him as Keif was always in the shower when he got back. Dielo started searching the hallways before he came across a busy conference room. Entering, he was terrified to see his loving boyfrind Keif on his knees with 2 of his Colonel's dicks in his mouth. 

Seeing more red than usual, he stormed in and dragged his boy friend to the closest room which just so happened to be Supreme leader Snooki's thrown room.

"How many dicks did you suck!" yelled Dielo as he began to pace angrily, lifting htings around them with the force. "36" Keif said, smiling and not giving a singular fuck. 

"36!" Dielo Shrieks "You sucked 36 dicks!" 

"Not so loud" KEif said, aware that Snooki was watching them with amusment Dielo Ren put his hands on KEifs shoulders and pushed him down 

"Does that make me 37?" he said vicuously 

"Nop!" Keif said as he whipped out his slicey glowy stick and sliced off Dielo Rens sad penis.

Keif picked it up and handed it to Kylo "ypou can suck it. I hope you choke" with that KEif skipped over to Supreme LEader Snooki who welcomed him with open arms and a hard dick


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm Sorry

Keif wasn't a monster.  
after breaking up with Dielo by cutting his dick off, he still mourned the loss of his relationship but celebrated his new sexual relationship with every penised member of the first order.

after a few months of being everyone's cum slut, Keif took to vomiting every morning and hisbody to swell like a balloon.  
One day the pain was so great that he was taken to Supreme LEader Snooki when he refused medical help. Snooki watched entranced as something large moved in Keif's stomach, something even larger than keif.

Without warning, that something burst through Keif's skin, killing him, instantly.  
When Leader Snooki cleaned the gore off his face, he saw a full sized JAr JAr Blinks sstanindg in front of him in a Sith robe and a red slicey glowiy stick lighted up.

"Misa JAr JAr Blinks. I killed my father. Prepare to Die!"

In own swoop JAr JAr Blinks decapitated LEader Snooki and took his Spot as Supreme LEader.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> diana punching bruce inspired

a few years later , the resistance had one the war against the first order.

since then, the few first order that still existed in hiding were sad.

Dielo, being the only dark force user, and n0ot JAr JAr Blinks was in charge of the remaining people.  
one day he gave a speech to help raise spirits "I know it has been hard. we can grow again and become better but it is better not to dwell in the past. We can move on from the past and be better>"

hi speach was met with resounding silence unti la s hort ginger in the front row stood up "Oh yeah? did Kief tell you that?"

In one motion Dielo Stabbed his slicey glowy stick intoDux's stomach   
"No, but your mom did" Dielo said as he dragged the stick upwards severing Dux

A thundering "OHHHHHHHHH! BURN" rang out from the few living peoples left


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F4XVmWGFWI

Deep within a planet was a cave

This was the Cave that Jar JAr blinks had fled to.

Still Loyal to his dark overlord, Dialo was in charge of bringing food to the Supreme in hiding.

as he approached the cave he heard excited squealing and didnot have to go in very far to see a small SAr SAr Blinks playing with the banana peeled Dux. behind him was also the bodies of both his past lovers, a headless snooki and exploded Keif, both kept in a preserved state. Dialo was suprised as he thougt these bodies had been disposed of.

approaching SAr SAr, Dialo asked "Where'd you get that body from?" only to be met with the childs very deep voice

" I got it from my DADDY"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not part of the same series. now just individual crack fics

Rey lay fighting to get free from the plank/table she was being held on. Her wrists and ankles were bound not letting her move and certainly not letting her use the force. Kylo Ren had been trying to dig in her mind using the force to find the last piece of the map and it had used almost all her energy fighting against him. Kylo met with so much resistance, had taken to just sitting at staring at her, waiting for her to weaken. Without the constant onslaught of his attack, she could finally look back on her capture “Where are the others?” Rey asked, her voice quaking, both in fear and with exhaustion.   
“You mean the murders, traitors, and thieves you call friends? You’ll be relieved to know that I have no idea. Your master is here however, but don’t worry. No harm will come to her.” Kylo said from his seat. “You still want to kill me.” Kylo said more softly after a moment, tilting his head in confusion.   
“That happens when you’re being hunted by a creature in a mask.” Rey spat back, anger feeding her energy.   
Pushing the buttons on either side of his helmet, Kylo took it off and stood, slowly revealing his long, pale face. "Meesa Jar Jar Binks!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FUCK. I aM SO sORrY  
> This Was not supposed to happen
> 
> This Isn't super starwars anymore but exists in the same universe as the earlier part of this series

Blaze, The Sexiest Penised Vampire Alive(ish), found his new blood bitch in a sad twunk named Dielo Ren.  
Dielo Ren lived to serve a powerful master and though is blood was bitter and tasted a lot like unshed tears, he was loyal. Dielo had no penis, completely severed from his body in an incident that Dielo refused to talk bout, and so the other vampires had no need for him. But Blaze thought that Dielo's dick sucking skills were Lit and he did not want to share anyways. He was unsure how Dielo even peed because it was completely sealed off but he was afraid to ask.

On April 20, Blaze's birthday, Dielo treated Blaze to a full day of cock warming. It was all fun and games until Dielo was edged too much and then Dielo was screaming out in pain, his testicles had exploded everywhere. He was in agonizing pain, writhing on the ground with blood pooling around him.

In a spontaneous decision, Blaze bit Dielo Ren, who promptly passed out.

A few days later, Dielo Ren dug himself up as a cock hungery hatchling. 

Blaze, Welcomed him back with open arms, sad tohave lost a drinking sort but Dielo was still submissive as fuck and needed to be in a relationship.  
they started slow as Dielo needed to get used to his new fangss.  
Unfortunately, Dielo's blood lust was too much and he Bit into Blaze's dick, Sucking the nonexistant blood dry and eventually biting his penis clean off his body.

The End


End file.
